JUST CALL ME SUPERWOMAN!!!!!!
February 1, 2009
by LaShawnna Lewis, 21 years old – USA
I was brought into this world on January 12, 1988 on a cold winter evening in Chicago, Illinois. Living on Chicago’s south side with my beautiful family, I had a lot to be grateful for and I was. I mean I had both my parents and grandparents all here helping me through this life that seems so cruel at times. I was always much older than I actually was helping all my teachers manage the classroom of students my age or older, helping mamma in the kitchen or grandma hang clothes in the windy summers. You see everyone in my family was so close and “responsible” that many of our parents didn’t have concerns about certain people babysitting us. Yea we believed in God and could quote the most popular scriptures you would hear everywhere. Might even catch us in church on easter Sunday and christmas (those are not true feasts of God). This was the life I lived until the summer after my fourth birthday. Then it started, the hatred of self, confusion, depression, worthlessness, and inability to love and trust ever again. My innocence was taken and defiled by a relative that we all love very much. It became a repeated sexual assault until he had no other reason to defile me because the spirits he had left and I let in, took over me and my life. I was too young to understand a lot of what was happening and my relationship with Christ wasn’t where it needed to be in regard to my parent’s doctrine and lack of relationship with God.
As I got older I began to realize the spirit of perversion that held my family captive. I prayed more with the little knowledge I had, read my bible more, and quoted more scriptures but it only brought me a half of a step from where I was. So I decided one afternoon after school of my third grade year that I was going to put it all behind me for once and for all. I was tired of the self hatred and guilt. I slowly walked home with my older sister thinking and jumping in puddles. When we got home I waited until everyone was outside enjoying what was left of the warm weather and I tried to commit suicide by an overdose of pills I found in the medicine cabinet. I woke up that night and cried hugging myself tight. It was this moment that allowed me to live my life as happy as any child could. I tried my best to keep this motto however the spirits I was battling within had other plans. I began to get into minor trouble in school and my mother would cry at night next to me begging for me to just tell her what was wrong and what she could do to help me. I knew if I told about any of the incidents they wouldn’t go over well with her, plus I didn’t trust anyone. Not even my own mother and it stung my heart so bad to feel that way and not know why. So my mother did the most amazing thing ever, she signed me up for dance class once a week. This was the highlight of my life and why I am such the radical worshipper I am today. This transformed my life as if it was God coming into my body and healing me right there. I soared in a matter of three months academically, and spiritually, it was the beginning to my lifelong dream. My family and I planned to move to Atlanta, Georgia so I was forced to leave my healing in the dance room. Sure enough those spirits were still there during the whole thing and showed their ugly faces within weeks of leaving my sanctuary, the dance hall. I began to resent my mother, one for taking me out of dance class, and two for us not moving to Atlanta, Georgia.
In this time I am a pre-teen so I felt I couldn’t trust anyone within my family I turned to my peers or people I felt were my friends at the time. I began to want to have that happiness manifest in my life so I would only do what I knew to be right. I thought God would save me if I was a good girl. Big misconception because happiness and love only comes from God through his Holy Spirit and I didn’t truly know either of them (so I couldn’t posses it). Therefore, my choice in friends all were the spirits I battled with. I allowed them to define me because I didn’t know who I was in Christ. It wasn’t long before their actions became my actions. This lasted for a few years on and off until my parents informed my siblings and me they were getting a divorce.
My behavior was no longer on and off it was full motion and ready to take charge, because so much had been taken away I developed a controlling spirit. I refused to be hurt again or allow anything take advantage of me again. I fought fire with fire. Satan and I tag teamed this world side by side. I cared for my mother very much, I was just battling too much to stop defending myself from the grasp the enemy had on me. We were forced to live with our father due to living arrangements. Like most children I wild out the first chance I got because my mother was the disciplinarian. I would constantly break the rules and not care about the consequences. This all came to an end when a familiar event took place as I “chilled” with my big sister and her friends. He lured me into his house and again I am taken advantage of sexually. I left my things and I ran and cried. I ran until every breath was out of my body because I didn’t want to breathe again. I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried all the way home asking God why. I became bitter and finally decided to surrender my life to God the best way I knew how and there is a season for that but it’s not a permanent position in our lives.
It was time to begin high school and I refuse to live the life I had to this point. It was my chance to receive my fresh start at Curie Metropolitan High School/ World IB/School of the Arts. Like any other high school it had its challenges but I was ready. Of course I danced and acted on a regular basis. This was the life so when it was time to apply for college I chose Julliard, then NYU, then Rutgers but Cheyney University chose me and I would soon find out why. As my transition to college was an emotional one for my family because we had gotten so close since my behavior calmed. I could smell new beginnings in the air at CU. Unfortunately the smell only lasted for that day but I did meet two of God stewards (students) at a bible study while I was there and they changed my life FOREVER! They introduced me to God in ways I hadn’t known possible. It was a struggle because the enemy knew that our relationship was OVER! I began to develop a hunger for God I never had or received in anywhere else. This relationship has been my guidance for a long time. It has lead me right to Forerunner Ministries where my healings completely took place. I am here today writing with tears of Great Joy running down my face because I am so GRATEFUL for the deliverance that God has given me. I have been healed of the spirits of suicide, worthlessness, unforgiving, hatred, and a lustful spirit. God has also broke that spirit of perversion over my family and RESTORED them unto me and Him. I know that this is only the beginning because of my deliverance through my Savior who I worship and seek daily and because of this I RADIATE HIS LIGHT EVERYWHERE I GO!!!!!