A BATTLE WON….
February 15, 2009
by Melissa Kohnen – New Castle, PA Age: 20
Hi My name is Melissa and I would just like you share what the Lord has been doing in me these last couple of months. God has really been transforming me in such an amazing way I am truly in awe of Him, and so thankful for what He has done and what He is going to do. I just also want to encourage everyone in saying, God is no respecter of persons!! He did it for me He will do it for you as well. You just have to surrender and allow Him to do His work.
About a year and a half ago I began to ask the Lord why I couldn’t remember most of my childhood especially anything from 5 and under. He started to show me but I refused to accept it. Just a few months ago I began to realize how much it bothered me that I couldn’t remember part of my life, my cousin would always be saying do you remember when this happened or that, and I couldn’t remember it. And it made me sad that I couldn’t remember, it was like I had blocked out a quarter of my life. So one day prophet Way was praying for me and he said that there were hidden things in my heart that happened with my family that I didn’t want to happen. I had my eyes closed and as soon as he said hidden things, I saw the word molestation like a 3D picture flying at me. That’s really when the battle started! I was like ” no this can’t be, he’s got to be wrong”. So after that the Lord kept showing me the same like 5 memories of my dad, but most of them it was like I had just woken up. All that night and the next day I couldn’t think about anything else, I kept asking God why and how could he do something like that? I was like this can’t be true, how can I ever look at him again let alone lead him to You? And God began to show me that it was a demonic spirit in my dad that led him to do those things to me and that if he hadn’t had that spirit in him he would never have touched me. He also showed me that I had a spirit of perversion that was passed down through him. But even after God began to show me these things, I still didn’t want to accept them, I was trying to convince myself that I heard prophet Way wrong. So I went and asked him, and he said it was something I had to see on my own, but he prayed that I would see. As I was laying on the ground I began to feel a crazy pain and just started screaming and crying(manifesting). That was still just the beginning of the battle! I realized the reason I couldn’t accept those things was that I had a principle mindset that my parents fed into me, saying that I was a hypochondriac and that I made things up. So I basically was trying to convince myself that I was just making this up, but I knew in my heart that it had happened. I realized that’s why I always got a sick feeling in my stomach when I was around my dad, and why I felt weird when I hugged him. But I went back and forth for almost 2 months now. I was like why did I have to know that, I mean it can’t hurt me if I don’t remember, right? WRONG! I realized that it was affecting my spiritual life as well. It’s like I knew that God could do anything, I mean he has healed and delivered me from so much. But it was like when I would actually see it with my eyes, I thought that my eyes were tricking me and that I was just making up what I had seen or that whatever happened was just a coincidence.
For example (and testimony) my little cousin Malayia went to the doctors and they said that she needed to go to the children’s hospital in Pittsburgh because she had like a triple heart murmur, my friend told me about it and she said that she could actually feel her heart skipping beats. I went over to see her that day or the next day. She is biracial, but because her heart wasn’t pumping the blood right she was actually really pale and had white spots all over her body. You could tell she was sick. So I just began to pray for her and ask God to heal her. Well they went to Pittsburgh and the doctors said she was perfectly fine, her skin color came back and the murmur was gone! Now when my cousin told me this it was like I knew in my heart God healed her, but I was trying to convince myself that maybe the first doctor was wrong and there was really nothing wrong with her.
A couple weeks later the Lord really began to convict me, because for one I seen it with my own eyes that she was sick and two that by me thinking it was coincidence I was giving His glory to basically coincidence. God was showing me that this was connected to me thinking that I made things up. Well once I began to accept what God was showing me about my dad and this kid Jimmie, I began to see things in the Spirit Realm! Like one day I was walking and I could see like a sparkling rain (it was night time) and I was like man I’m about to get rained on, but there was no tangible rain… Ok so anyways that battle wasn’t completely over, I had confronted my dad and he freaked out on me. But there was something that happened that I did remember 100% and when I even confronted him with that he manifested even more and was saying that I was sick and he can’t believe I said that, and I was like I’m not the one who said it you did (This was just about a month and a half ago) and he was like you’re a liar you make things up… I felt such a relief because I knew 100% I wasn’t making up what I had just said because it happened just like 8 months ago, so I began to realize he was straight up lying to me. Then I said well mom was there so I’ll ask her, now my mom always says that she never lies and that she hates liars, so I figured she would tell the truth and maybe just say well he was drunk he didn’t mean it. But when I mentioned it to my mom, she was like where do you get this stuff from, and I even told her what day it happened who was there the look on her face when he said it, and she still told me that I was making it up. I said I’m not a little kid anymore you can’t just tell I make stuff up and me believe you, she had nothing to say and I walked away. I thought that the battle was over, I mean I knew they were lying to me, but man was I wrong… The Lord showed me in a dream that this was a principle mindset, like a HUGE mindset that needed to go! So I had faced the issue but now I had to overcome this mindset. The Lord began to show me and teach me that I really need to rely on Him, that my parents aren’t saved so basically their father is the Devil and the Devil is the father of lies. I couldn’t really see specific memories where my dad was touching me, it was like most of the things I was seeing was when I was asleep. During this time I began to have dreams about 3 or 4 where it was like I was being molested by something invisible while I was sleeping. Then I would wake up and be like man, I feel like I just got molested, but at first I didn’t connect the 2 things I just thought ok well Satan is trying to molest me… But what God was showing me is that most of the molestation happened while I was asleep so that I wouldn’t remember and if I woke up basically I would believe I was making it up. So this was very hard for me to accept! But I have realized that the more I began to trust in God with what He was showing me, the more He began to show me. Not just with my past but also with the plans that He has for me, and also I am bolder with speaking out things that He is showing me or speaking to me; because I no longer believe that I am making them up. I mean sometimes that doubt creeps in, but I am so much more firm in what God shows me now. Another thing that was affected by all this was me being able to call God daddy.
Now in the natural I never called my dad that, but still it seemed like such a dirty term to use. Now I was also like God you are supposed to be our Husband as well as our Father, the thought of that made me sick. But He began to show me that Yeshua(Jesus) is our Husband and because we are married to Him(Yeshua) that makes God our Father. But I was still having an issue with calling Him Daddy… Well last night I went up for prayer, prophet Mike prayed for me and as I was laying on the floor God took me into a vision, I’m just going to share a piece of the vision. I was running up this huge mountain, I was half way up it, but it was as though I wasn’t going any higher; kind of like I was running up the down escalator, so as I’m running up this mountain I began in my Spirit to call out Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. I couldn’t stop calling for my Daddy, then out of the top of the mountain a huge arm reached out down the mountain and picked me up in His hand. I just kept saying Daddy over and over. I felt like such a release like a weight had just been lifted off of me. It was so amazing! That is basically it, well there is so much more in between but I feel that I have shared what was necessary. Hopefully this battle is over!! It has been such a great yet painful experience.
I have realized that God doesn’t allow us to go through things because He wants us to hurt, but in reality it’s not about us at all but it’s about a people who need to see that God can heal any wound that we have, that He is a living God who is Here to walk us through our trials and tribulations! I pray that you all will begin to ask the Lord to show you those places in your heart’s that have been hidden, places that you may not even know are there or are effecting you. I pray that you allow Him to walk you through the process step by step, and rest in knowing that He is holding us in the palm of His hand, and there is nothing that is too great for Him!
Bless You,
Melissa